2024 Horoscope, by Lightning Fibre's Mystic Mary
Happy new year! What does the year have in store for you? Maybe Fast, Reliable Broadband is written in the stars?
ARIES - THE RAM - MARCH 21–APRIL 19
As a fire sign, you have a force that inspires you to be creative, passionate and energetic - you need fast, reliable broadband to keep up with you! Your willpower means you never give up despite the challenges you may face this year.
TAURUS - THE BULL - APRIL 20–MAY 20
You are grounded, practical and dependable. You don’t take risks, rather preferring a sure thing. That’s why a full fibre broadband connection is ideal - it won’t let you down. It’s hyper fast and hyper reliable. The year ahead will be more predictable with a stable new broadband connection!
GEMINI - THE TWINS - MAY 21–JUNE 21
You’re a smart thinker who can win any argument. Full Fibre from Lightning Fibre is a no-brainer for you. Fast, affordable and reliable. A great communicator, who thinks logically rather than emotionally, you love to talk, so our virtual landline (VOIP) service will help you stay connected with your pals.
CANCER - THE CRAB - JUNE 22–JULY 22
Like a free-flowing river, you are emotional and nurturing and run deep, basing all your actions on emotions rather than logic. You want everyone to be happy - including yourself - and most fulfilled when you are surrounded by happiness. With one of the best ratings on Trustpilot, our customers LOVE us! So, Lightning Fibre is the perfect provider for you!
LEO - THE LION - JULY 23–AUGUST 22
Leadership traits combined with a passionate nature - this is a good year for Leos. Single? Maybe your latest love is from a far and distant land - you’ll need a good Broadband connection to ensure those Zoom calls don’t buffer. Married with kids? Plenty of bandwidth to keep up with your busy home. Lightning Fibre’s Full Fibre broadband is hyper fast and hyper reliable - no jitter and no buffering!
VIRGO - THE VIRGIN - AUGUST 23–SEPTEMBER 22
Your Virgin sign makes you diligent, adaptable, and observant. Virgin’s traits when combined with Venus’ creative power it often produces great artisans and crafts persons. If your creativity takes place online, you’ll really value a FAST and RELIABLE connection, with enough bandwidth to cope with large files. Our symmetric, hyper fast broadband gives you download and upload speeds of up to 2,000Mbs or more.
LIBRA - THE BALANCE - SEPTEMBER 23–OCTOBER 23
Your fixation on balance and harmony will be fulfilled with an amazing price for an amazing service. Need support? We’re just a phone call away (everyday). A stress free broadband service, which won’t break the bank. Lovely. You always strive to reach equilibrium and that’s why are an idealist. Lightning Fibre is ‘ideal’ for you!
SCORPIO - THE SCORPIO - OCTOBER 24–NOVEMBER 21
You’re up for any challenge, and you work hard. This year, you’ll discover that a hyper fast broadband connection helps you achieve your goals. Uploading large files to the cloud in seconds? Enough bandwidth for the busiest of households? Perfection.
SAGITTARIUS - THE ARCHER - NOVEMBER 22–DECEMBER 21
Sagittarians are optimistic and fair-minded. But even you get annoyed when your broadband provider lets you down. You will never run away from a fight, but who wants to argue? Make 2024 the year where you say ‘enough is enough’ to bad broadband and poor customer service; switch to Lightning Fibre - the UK's best consumer ISP (ISPA Awards 2023).
CAPRICORN - THE GOAT - DECEMBER 22–JANUARY 19
Nothing gets your goat more than poor service! Lightning Fibre is the UK’s Best Consumer ISP (ISPA Awards 2023) and you’ll LOVE our service. You are honest, loyal, hard-working professionals and the most ambitious signs in the zodiac. A fast, reliable broadband connection - that works like a dream - matches your star sign perfectly. What are you waiting for?
AQUARIUS - THE WATER BEARER - JANUARY 20–FEBRUARY 18
You possess a revolutionary mindset. You are a visionary, a mastermind and a genius at work. Join the Broadband Revolution - say goodbye to slow, unreliable copper. Full Fibre is great at carrying large amounts of data, quickly. Perfect for busy households, home workers and gamers. Switch today, you genius!
PISCES - THE FISH - FEBRUARY 19–MARCH 20
You are emotionally brilliant and artistically inclined with unparalleled imaginative powers. You are the ultimate influencer and your magic can’t be replicated. You’ll love our refer a friend scheme - every time someone signs up using your unique code, you’ll get a month of free broadband! Spread the word, spread the love.
This article is intended to be lighthearted and entertaining. We wish you all a very happy, healthy and peaceful 2024. If the year has its challenges for you, please remember to reach out to someone. Life isn’t always easy. A problem shared is a problem halved.